OuT oF tHiS wOrLd (My Solace)

2011-11-15T18:07:00.002+08:00

So yea. Guess what i flunked As. Im not even surprised that i did. Come to think of it what have i done well? What have i done that was right? Nothing. 0. Nada. I cant do anything. Its true you know, im just useless good for nothing. Leech off the world and the people around me. It was fair to call me a loser. Ive never done anything right in my life.

Sometime ago there was this Chrystal lesson that asked us to list down what we're all good at. Made me think a lot about it but the conclusion was the same. Im just useless, good at nothing at all.

Hows life like after failing As? Not a clue. Ill just go where i can go let the wind take me wherever. Begging for food on streets or something. Perhaps Ill regret it in the future. Maybe a little but seriously i doubt it.

Im not even capable of even feeling that way.

2011-08-16T23:17:00.002+08:00

Found myself here again somehow.

Just a little grain of sand in the desert. Every sandstorm marks a new beginning. That little grain picked up by the wind sped along its way. In the raging maelstrom theres always a couple of other particles that hung beside it but no matter how much he tried to stay with them they would always disappear. Either it was him who slowed down and the wind carried them away or it was they who slowed down and the wind sped him further on. Every grain leaves him in time, no matter how long it had been around him no matter how close they were in the end they were all swept away. They all COME.AND.GO. Only when the wind died and all was cool he landed somewhere in the world. He could see the stars high up in the heavens. All was a deathly quiet. Only then did the plight he was in stabbed him hard and cold. He was alone. Is alone and henceforth will be FOREVER.ALONE.

2011-06-26T22:23:00.002+08:00

My life. I never expected much never wanted much.

Of course im not into the "OH AVERAGE LIFE WITH SOMEONE I LOVE DOING THE THING I LOVE THE MOST" I mean like seriously? Kinda means that you're not excelling in the thing you love the most aint it. Just mediocre to the end.

I never signed up for anything but everything gets pushed to me. I somehow cant bring myself to reject people if they ask for help or anything. Ill always go like "IDW la" "Wa lau lazy sia" but in the end i'll still do it somehow. Ya know? Do unto others as you want done to you. So in the end i ended up with so much on my plate i hardly have time for my own stuff. Ok im fine with it, i mean like work more and cope with it la since i signed up for it.

If only i had to contend with time time alone. Always somewhere along the way someone gets pissed emotions flared and im left picking up the pieces. Running around like a lost sorry thing trying to put everything together.

Gave up too much. This month was too much for me to handle. Disappointed in myself, my inability to do anything. Unable to even excel at the thing i loved. Unable to keep up in the faith people had in me. I never understood what I did for people to have such high expectations in me. Feels like im getting crushed between the hammer and the anvil.

And i swore i would never do it again.

Got another piece of bad news yesterday again. So fucking worried that i couldnt concentrate on anything at all. FUCK. I really dont know where did i gone wrong, thought i had done everything to the best i could and it still turned out awful.

I just want to sit down in the middle of the road and cry. And die maybe.

2011-05-17T23:21:00.004+08:00

You know i was trying to think of a song that expresses what Im feeling right now.

Bingo.

This song is awesome.

I’ve been thinking about the boy by the door
and lately, much more,

I think I like him.
He’s the one all the girls think is strange
but something has changed, the way I see it

Notebook fantasy, can I stop and see
Would you draw something for me, take me somewhere different
Hair in your eyes, pretty in disguise
maybe you are hiding and I know why
Cos there’s something much more; are you the special one?

I feel like gold down among the crowd of loneliness
I felt you touch my soul; I didn’t know that I was missing you
Meet me on the open road
Only for the special one
You touch my soul when it’s just you and me I feel like gold.

I know everybody wants to belong, but this is what’s wrong
It doesn’t matter
I would rather have a talk with the stars and play my guitar than phony chatter.
Let it freak ‘em out, gossip all about, you caught me talking hanging out with him
Now I’m a weirdo.
I could sit and cry, panic, wonder why, maybe I’m not a follower.
Everybody knows that the smartest, the artist is a renegade.

I feel like gold down among the crowd of loneliness
I felt you touch my soul; I didn’t know that I was missing you
Meet me on the open road
Only for the special one
You touch my soul when it’s just you and me I feel like gold.

How true totally. Its kinda creepy even.

2011-05-06T01:42:00.008+08:00

Nothing much to say.

It was an expected yet disappointing result.

We're all broken inside, but it's these cracks that will be of greatest value to us in life.........these cracks that will always spur us on to greater heights. These cracks allow you to grow as a person and if you've achieved that, give yourselves a round of applause. Ultimately, it's a collective pain. We'll heal together.

-Sheri

You fall,you get up.you cry,you dry it.you look back,you reflect.you know,you've grown.(:

-Mei Xuan

I guess there is a certain beauty that I appreciate with those tears that were shed together on this day.

-Xioa Hui

用心感动，这旅程中，因你而加倍的感动。

-Sheryl Lee

What defines us is our attitude and that doesn't change...

-Kai Siang

The end is not when you've been disappointed or let down.
The end is when you give up hope and no longer believe.
And since there's always still faith and hope, there is no end

-Sheryl Tan

Yes they may all be lying, its cos they care.

-Rachel

Aiya up to you la, now you're in the choir, have all the time/rights in the world to change and you dont want. I graduate already but still doing it.

-Zerlina

It has never been about the end result but the sense of pride and glory when you're standing on stage.

-Han Riffin

I have no regrets this is not the end of my choral journey :)

-Benjamin

I wont say yea, i wont say nay. Determine your own success.

-Catherine

It was a long walk along the beach.

2011-04-24T21:57:00.002+08:00

Even if its not enough, even if I throw away its not enough.

Ill show how much I really love you.

You may never know but here i am.

~~~

2011-04-06T23:49:00.002+08:00

So many questions with no answers. Questions that cant be answered, questions that i dont want answered.

Why? Why? WHy? WHY WHY WHY WHY?

You know sometimes i think inanimate objects end up being my best friends. I rather play my piano the whole day then confide to someone. I rather play a guitar then hangout with people. Seriously if i could marry those two then it would be a decent life. I can bang the piano with my guitar be my side and we can all have a threesome together.

And i have no idea when ive become such an introvert.

Maybe people will see this maybe people wont but really, i dont think anyone would call me an introvert i guess. Ive changed so much that i dont recognise myself anymore. And the new me hate myself. Where have those days gone too? Crazy days when there was no night and day no order and law. Where i could sleep when i wanted do what i wanted and not give a shit about the world.

Once i take pleasure in hearing peoples voice then the sound of the piano keys. Once i rather look into someones eyes then staring at the bright computer screen.

Once.

Too much have changed. I once had hope and it was crushed. I gave it up but hope came around again. Now im confused. Is there hope? Or is it just a hallucination that i made up.

That is one question i want answered but afraid of what it might be.

Lifes a stage one where we never stop acting.

Putting a smile on my face when i dont feel like. Laughing at the smallest things, telling jokes that dont reflect what im thinking. Just like how you swear at your friends but never dare to do that to your parents. Just like how you react to someone you dont like.

最痛苦的微笑

Theres a time for everyone, if they only learn. That the twisting kaleidoscope moves us all in turn... Just because you're moving on in life doesnt mean mine doesnt change. Theres a time for everyone.

One day i'll just switch off my phone and my com turn off the lights in the room and slam the door shut. Just me my best friends and my baleful thoughts.

2011-02-23T23:38:00.004+08:00

The girl who seem unbreakable , broke . The girl who always laughed , cried . The girl that never stopped trying , finally gave up . dropped her fake smile as a tear rolled down her cheek and whispered , I can't do this anymore.

Havent blogged in quite awhile.

Been so busy. I dont know how ive been going through school at all. I know i wont quit school but really i dont see the point. I go to school without completing much of my tutorials, sleep in every other lecture. Im like totally wasting time. I dont like schooling, i hate studying.

I should really be studying but theres always something that i need to do. Someone i need to talk to, some obligation to fulfill. Just so many things out there to do.

Im wasting away my time away with just no aim in life. After this i'll probably be in the mood to study. 2 days later back to same old me. FACT.

To what end...to what end.

2011-01-29T00:32:00.001+08:00

A Goose's Dream

I have a dream,
Even if I'm thrown away or ripped to shreds
Deep in my heart
I have a dream as precious as gem

If by chance, without a reason,
Somebody ridicules me behind my back
I should be patient
I would wait just for that day.

As you always worry,
You say that foolish dreams are poisonous.
Just like a book that tells us about the end of the world
There's the reality that we can't turn back already

Yes I have a dream.
I believe in that dream
Please watch over me
Standing in front of that cold wall called fate
I can firmly face it

One day I will pass over that wall
And be able to fly
As high as the sky
This heavy thing called life can't tie me down
At the end of my life, on the other day that I can smile, let's be together

Yes I have a dream.
I believe in that dream
Please watch over me
Standing in front of that cold wall called fate
I can firmly face it

One day I will pass over that wall
And be able to fly
As high as the sky
This heavy thing called life can't tie me down
At the end of my life, on the other day that I can smile, let's be together

Yes I, I have a dream
I believe in that dream.
Please watch over me
Standing in front of that cold wall called fate.
I can firmly face it

One day I will pass over that wall
And be able to fly
As high as the sky
This heavy thing called life can't tie me down
At the end of my life, on the other day that I can smile, let's be together.

Absolutely beautifully written.

Karma

2011-01-24T23:09:00.002+08:00

Karma is usually used when someone did something bad and that something bad will befall on that person to kind of even the scales.

Today I learned that theres a different kind of karma.

People call it "bad karma" so instead is there "good karma"? Like you do good stuff and good things will be bestowed upon. The fact that its so little used (if there is such a term) simply proves that life does not go that way.

When you have a good day, to even the scales you will get a bad day.

Today was the bad day for me.

New Year (not quite)

2011-01-16T17:13:00.002+08:00

Been feeling its about time to get my blog underway again.

Ive been getting a lot of remarks from my friends, parents and family that I've changed a lot (for the better) then i was previously. I don't know what i did or anything but people just said that I've change a lot. I guess it really happens.

Like just now when I revisited the blog again in like ages, I literally cringed at the SNSD wallpaper that was my previous blogskin. Its like so :S I dont really know how to describe it properly in words but, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. Its like my taste and preferences have changed over the couple of months and all.

And so i have a new blogskin :D (Whatever)

Maybe its because I feel old. All the guys are already entering Army and I'm like starting J2 its like a huge leap in life. Like some kind of phase a fourth dimension of some sort. Also my cousin's wife gave birth recently like 2, 3 days ago and so I've become an uncle. Its liike DIFFERENT. Gone were the days of just hanging around. Life goes on and now my cousin has a family to take care of, has a house and all those adult things that seemed so far before but now right in front of me. I feel bloody old.

Ah well I guess its a good thing. Perhaps I just might really do well for As with this kind of attitude. But then again. I always feel like that before losing motivation and all before the exams. It might be different this time around :D

So heres to a good year, a fresh start and all the best!

Wake Me Up When September Ends

2010-09-16T00:53:00.003+08:00

Last blog post before promos are over.

Im using internet on this awesome magic stick. Im like going to bring it everywhere i go. Walking internet access sounds reallyyyyy coooool.

Ok so promos are basically GG for me. Its just too little too late. Not that i really care much about it anymore. Im not like totally giving up on promos its more like. I'll just work my ass off with whatever time im left with and if i do it then ok J2 A levels here i come. If not its just straight to the Army before flying overseas or something.

Totally fine with both but im really really really sick of MJ already. The school sucks like big time. Whatever. Ive been like ranting about how much MJ sucks to almost everybody. Anyway for all the havent-take-O-levels people, seriously think twice before choosing MJ. You have been warned.

Downloaded everything off IVLE already. Guess this is it. Imma outta here. Ciaooo til promos are over :D

2010-09-01T00:20:00.002+08:00

30 days to Promos and still not feeling it.

Lazing around slacking. IDK man.

Doesnt look good, really dont look good at all man.

BIRTHDAY

2010-08-24T20:52:00.002+08:00

Had a really awesome birthday with pressies and lotssssss of FOOOOOD to say the least. It kinda take a load off my shoulders. Havent felt so relaxed in ages.

Recieved the best birthday gift in my 18 years :D

I'll hold you on to that promise.

Back to work nowwww.

There can be miracles.

2010-08-17T00:37:00.002+08:00

I need a miracle to pass promos.

I need to pick myself up man. Ive been really really slack for the last coupla of days and i just cant seem to get back on track man. I dont know i just dont feel like studying anymore.

I NEED TO BUCK UP.

"Justice"

2010-08-11T23:50:00.003+08:00

You know where injustice comes from? Bigots who wield power that WE cannot stand up against. Nothing we can do. We can only stand there and watch as they met out their twisted "justice"

Injustice just about describes the whole day today. Many students just carry life as per normal in MJ happily, a little stressed perhaps but fine overall. How many know what kind of shit that happens behind closed doors and windows?

I wont go into the details.

I kinda get an attachment to anyone who gets in trouble with her not because we can plot to kill her or poison her drink or something. Its more like we're all in this together because of the unfairness the injustice that oozes. Its just so unfair. We are like scapegoats or something.

Take myself for example. Ok i havent done well for mid years and such so i was made to quit cca and all. Fine i accept that. Just that WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE? In terms of results im definitely not the worst retainee. SO WHY? Why isnt it applied across the board but only for ME.

Oh its such a fair world.

I need to ask a question. What kind of offence results in an expulsion from the school? Drug abuse, theft or something along that lines would be my answer. Apparently its not like that nowadays. You get expelled for getting bad comments from the teachers and feedback from classmates. Wowdewow.

Tough luck bro.

Injustice rankles.

Im getting irritated by statuses like 'boring day' 'Life sucks'. Try one day of my life in this school and tell me about it. And you know what? I blame the school for making me irritated with the status updates because im not usually like this. The school made me like that.

The worst decision I made in my 17 years on this Earth. Entering THIS JC.

ME AGAINST THE WORLD

2010-08-09T23:45:00.003+08:00

We're not gonna be just a part of their game,

We're not gonna be just the victims.

They're taking our dreams and tear them apart

Til' everyones the same.

I've got no place to go, I've got no where to run.

They love to watch me fall, they think they know it all.

I'm a nightmare, a disaster, thats what they always said.

I'm a lost cause, not a hero but i'll make it on my own.

I've got to prove them wrong me against the world.

ITS ME AGAINST THE WORLD

We wont let them change how we feel in our hearts.

We're not gonna let them control us.

We wont let them shove all their thoughts into our heads.

And we'll never be like them.

Now im sick of this waiting, so come on and take your shot.

You can spit all your insults but nothing is gonna change us.

YOU CAN SIT THERE AND JUDGE ME.

SAY WHAT YOU WANT TO, WE'LL NEVER LET YOU IN.

WE'LL NEVER FALL IN LINE

I'LL MAKE IT ON MY OWN

ME AGAINST THE WORLD

For all the people out there who are in the same situation as me. Cheers bros.

And

FUCK YOU GEDDIT?

You-Know-What

2010-08-05T23:09:00.005+08:00

Ok so for all those who are wondering what happen this week here it is.

I got kicked out of choir by you-know-who who decided to be really anal about my midyear results and got me out of choir. Im too lazy to type it all out but if you want a blow by blow account come ask me.

So.. im really fine thanks for the concern people. I was kinda contemplating it also. I dont know what else to say. I already dumped all my frustrations and feelings onto really nice friends that i have. Maybe i should have blogged on the day itself when i was so full of rage and stuff.

Oh well whats happened happened. Lets not dwell on it.

I doubt i'll come back once i walk away.

I started a sequel to my book. There are still empty pages left to be written in. Will I?

2010-08-04T00:30:00.001+08:00

I think i'll blog about it when ive sort of gathered my thoughts on it. My brains pretty much now a jumble of physics formulas, swear words and random thoughts.

Right..Ciao.

Bye

2010-08-01T22:01:00.001+08:00

Its one year.

My phone bills gonna explode.

Byebye.

Where did I go wrong?

2010-07-30T02:51:00.003+08:00

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend. Somewhere along in the bitterness. And I would have stayed up with you all night had I known how to save a life.

Where did I go wrong?

Where did I go wrong?

Where did I go wrong?

Way To GO

2010-07-28T23:53:00.003+08:00

The one thing I know is that the only reason this complicated world is exciting is because of one reason. YES ITS YOU.

Ever since you showed up everything changed. From now on lets start again. Alright.

2/8/10

Heal

2010-07-27T00:35:00.002+08:00

Some people say it can't be done. Some say its a game that can't be won.

I've seen my shares of ups and downs. Through the pain of it all sweet melody's my remedy.

I need healing.

Words That I Want To Say

2010-07-26T00:10:00.004+08:00

Can you hear it? The sound of the raindrops. Can you hear it? The sky is crying as well.

Just once...

I would want to go back and say the words I wanted to say.

Actor

2010-07-22T01:33:00.003+08:00

But you put on quite a show, really had me going. That was quite a show, curtains finally closing.

An act, an actor and an audience.

JC life, me and my friends.

Who then knows the true feelings and moods of an actor? Nobody except himself cos of a natural tendency to act out what people want of you, what you want people to think of you and how you want things to turn out.

The world's my stage.

2010-07-19T00:28:00.004+08:00

I havent blogged for quite long. Not that i dont really wanna blog but more like i have nothing to blog about. You see life just sucks so much its so boring.

Everyday now for me is just. Go to school, try not to sleep. Slack abit in the breaks. Geng im an awesomely good boy with good study attitude in front of esther lai. When school is over, go straight home or at most eat a little with the class. Get home on the com, resist the urge to play then try to complete tutorials for the next day. Lifes just a bore. Seriously.DAmn.BORIng.CAN.

Im always more bonded with the choir peeps cos of the time we spent together and the things that we go through together so its like i hang out more with the choir peeps then my class ppl. We meet during our breaks and eat together. Meet up after school and talk rubbish then go out eat, you know stuff like that. That was last year. This year is like theres such a gap between me and the J1s i dont know if its just me as a person or is it that im like different from them and that im older or something and they dunnoe how to treat me or something. I dont know man. Life is just so different now. What was once so important is just nothing to me now. Last time i ponned choir i will at least feel a twinge of regret and guilt. Now i just leave and its like i dont even care about choir anymore. I miss just standing somewhere at the back and sing every practice.

Even weekends are no longer as fun as it used to be. Weekend = Lan/Pool/Study. Now the J2s are mugging so they prolly wont come out as often. The narrows down to the J1s. The ones who will go out and play is only like, Me, Esmond, Gan, Kay? , Ting? Thats all i guess. What a pathetic number. In the end all weekends are just spent at home in my room with my com and my stupid homework.

Choir was like my everything last year. The CCA i enjoyed doing the most. The place where a large portion of my circle of friends came from. The reason i went to school for. The reason why i can even walk around smiling. And now, its nothing to me, nothing at all. Leave much? Maybe.

Or we can look at it this way.

Since i have to go home after school everyday and spend weekends at home, this means that i have a lot time to study and that even if i wan to go out and play there would be no one to take me up on the offer. So i will end up studying a lot start passing my tests, ace promos and all. Yea why not thats an awesome idea aint it?

Yea thats just so not me aye? Yea i'll just probable degenerate into a no life mugger who lives under a rock and dont know how to throw a bowling ball, move a cuestick or juke some people in DotA. Hmm yes i think thats how my lifes gonna play out from now on.

FML.

I dont even know what made me post all these stuff. I guess its brought on by the fact that you're leaving again. It was 2 months the last time. Its a year this time.

What I would give to have a peek in that heart of yours and see where am I in it.

LoneWolf

2010-07-14T23:14:00.003+08:00

I am a lone wolf
I always was and will be
I feel fine
I am resigned to this
I am a lone wolf
I am a lone wolf

Got my cares
Wrapped-up all nice and neat
In my suitcase
I'll take it down the street
To a place with plenty of space for me
I am a lone wolf

I am a lone wolf
It blows my mind
That people wanna try to get
Inside my tired head
I am a lone wolf
I am a lone wolf

I am a lone wolf
Nobody needs to get too close to me
You'll only see this truth
I am a lone wolf

Hell yea. What a song. This song is me.

2010-07-09T01:55:00.003+08:00

Seriously. I swear the world makes no sense.

Nothing is fixed, nothing is what it appears to be. There are no such thing as logic and common sense. No constant no nothing.

One moment you are fine, next moment something fucked up comes along and bite you in the ass. All in the space of 15 mins thats all. Then you cant sleep in peace, the brightest colours in the world seems dull, the tastiest food tastes bland, you cant think of anything else. All you wan to do is to escape from this reality, this horrible nightmare. Every waking moment is hell and your dreams are being invaded. The only escapism is to..

DIE.

I feel for you brother, i do.

2010-07-05T01:25:00.002+08:00

Busy day today. It was the DECISION DAY.

Anyway got the guys over to help me today and i owe them all a meal for their help :D

Tmr was the deadline to submit (its actually today now) the audition clip but if it was a go we had to get everything done today and head down to the studio and record then upload it. So we got together and produced ideas and stuff. So anyway to the main point, i decided not to go with it after all. And the best part was they didnt even mind wasting time to come and help me and even encouraged me. Wonderful guys they all. Lurbes!

Rin: Thanks for translating the whole text from the webbie and for carrying out the uploading tests, creating accounts and all. So sorry that we didnt even make use for it. Da BEST YOU!

Alli: Awesome gal! Great thanks for going through the musical stuff with me and giving constructive feedback on my performance. Would have just died if you werent there, wouldnt have even made it this far even i'll prolly just give up halfway. THANKS A LOT! :D

Roy: LOL thanks for coming down to support even though you dont know nuts bout anything we're doing ;) Hehe but we both know what the true reason is right? Hahaha! Good luck in that area i'll help as much as i can :D

LOVE YOU GUYS.

Honestly, i think its really great. Even though i decided to pass up the opportunity cos it wasnt good enough but i had fun doing it. Maybe if i had more time perhaps i will be able to do better? At least i tried living out my dream. I wonder how many people out there have dreams but have yet to act on it or are unable to. Even if dreams seem unattainable at least having a shot is better then not even trying. If you fail achieving that dream its still comforting to know that at least you tried and that dreams being dreams are always hard to achieve. And if you try and really manage to achieve it, oh the sweetness of making it man.

I believe that one day this dream of mine can be true. The many wandering roads ahead and uncertain paths but the fact remains that i have at least found a path albeit it being closed off to me. Its reassuring to at least know that it is not as unattainable as i once thought it was.

Im loving the feeling now. Maybe i can apply it to school life? Urgh shit i just thought about school again zz.

Once again thanks guys for helping :D Life doesnt seem as bleak now.

Cheers! To the future ahead!

2010-07-04T00:46:00.003+08:00

Eventful day.

Supposed to meet at Mikes house today at like 2 for mahjong session. I woke up rather late and it takes ages to get down to Kovan so i was like really kinda reluctant to go down already.

But then suddenly a thought struck me that this was one of my weak points. The kind of pangseh attitude that i sometimes give my friends. Sometimes its really that i cannot make it, others is just i dont really bother and like just crap up some excuses. Maybe thats why i dont really keep up with my friends. I already like mostly lost contact with my P6 and VS friends already and even when we meet up, sure we have fun, but after that everything just fades to nothing. Empty promises and such. And the thing is that the others still keep in contact with ea other i just dont keep in contact or perhaps im just a nobody whom they dont wanna keep in contact with?

Food for thought.

Anyway i went down in the end about an hour late and we had fun playing mahjong and also with Mike's dog. He has a really cool new one which is like white all over. Those kinda chic dog which looks like a fox. Oh and he shaved the other dog gou li (Marble in hokkien) now it looks really ugly. Had dinner before leaving for home.

Rin called when i was on the bus and we met up at pasir ris park for a walk. Had a chat before i walked her home and went home myself. Rin, take courage in your own strengths you dont have to measure up to anyone for anyone. Live for yourself and for what you want. Cheers!

Maybe i should do one of those psychological reflections or something. I think my life needs a change.

Funny what the night air can do to one. Ciao ppl.

2010-07-02T09:08:00.002+08:00

Ok now that exams are over, i can finally concentrate on what i wan to do now. I shall keep it a secret for a little longer perhaps. I have like a couple more days to make a firm decision. So i guess its less going out and focusing more at home.

Anyway, theres this couple o lines from a song that i like and its exactly what i feel now.

Music is what keeps me alive. No matter what they say, this is where i belong.
Some people say i cant be done, some say its a game that cant be won.
Ive seen my shares of up and downs. Through the pain of it all, sweet melody's my remedy.
Piano keys played in harmony, my heart beats to the drums, music is what i breathe.
Thick and thin, rain or snow, from deep within my soul, forever sing my song.

I feel so emotional rofl. I love this song <3

...

2010-06-25T04:25:00.001+08:00

Too little too late.

...

2010-06-24T03:59:00.000+08:00

One chance too many.

Im a NOOB

2010-06-23T04:44:00.003+08:00

The action that goes behind the words. Thats what im lacking. Thats my weakness and my downfall.

Its really stupid that even though i know it, i still dont do it. Talk about motivation.

Im just a drag. I dont even know what my purpose on this Earth is. I dont even know whether lifes worth living.

My life is a contradiction. I wan to get grades but never study. I wanna do well musically but i just adopt a lazy attitude. I wanna have friends yet i dont keep in contact. You know the more i type the more i feel like a joke. Yea im a joke. A joke that cant do anything right.

And the greatest irony of all? I know all these things im doing wrong, but im not doing anything to change it.

By tmr, i will have forgotten this feeling i have now. By the next week i would have brushed all of these off to one side. By the next month i'll forget about this post.

Over, Im a NOOB.

Blog Skinnnnn!

2010-06-21T15:32:00.004+08:00

OH YES! I CHANGED MY BLOGSKIN!! ITS NICEERRR NAOOOO!!

Ok so lifes been ok the last couple of days if not for the stupid MYE. Caught up with a few people, chilled with the regulars.

I would write longer but I see the ugly thing called Mid Year Exams rearing its head at me. Screw you mid years.

2010-06-17T22:36:00.002+08:00

You guys need to take a back seat now man. You know, life without you all would suck so bad that i wanna try defying gravity and throw myself off a building and all but then if you continue to stick around so much im afraid my life would get so screwed up that i may just try defying gravity and throw myself off a building. I love you guys man. You all are like my first true love man. You guys have spent a lot of time with me and it has been cool and fun hanging out. Its not for long man. I'll be back for you all. HELL I'LL LAY OUT A RED CARPET WHEN YOU ALL COME BACK. Just not now man k?

Love you guys, addictive and flirtatious Procrastinate, hot and sexy DotA

2010-06-15T03:56:00.003+08:00

Well thats that. Rather boring day for me stayed at home the whole day even though i could go out and study with the guys.

Oh and i managed to trap like 375 ghosts in 20 hours (ghost trappers). I logged in when the mission was half way through. The sense of sastifaction in beating a game is so good. Its like something i can do right something that i can do well in. Something which i havent been able to relate to my life lately.

Just back from a walk at the beach. Its kinda like a reflection time and think about life in the presence of God. What on Earth have i been doing man. I so need to buck up.

So thats life. Lets make the most out of it. If I can..

2010-06-14T03:35:00.002+08:00

Well our times up...

Though you will still be around and stuff like that but things will be different. We have both ran out of time.

I would really want to sing this song to you like the countless of songs we've sang to each other and together but i dont have the ability and power to pull it off. So this'll have to do. The bittersweet lyrics. I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston.

If I should stay,
I would only be in your way.
So I'll go, but I know
I'll think of you every step of the way.

And I will always love you.
I will always love you.
You, my darling you. Hmm.

Bittersweet memories
that is all I'm taking with me.
So, goodbye. Please, don't cry.
We both know I'm not what you, you need.

And I will always love you.
I will always love you.

I hope life treats you kind
And I hope you have all you've dreamed of.
And I wish to you, joy and happiness.
But above all this, I wish you love.

And I will always love you.
I will always love you.
I will always love you.
I will always love you.
I will always love you.
I, I will always love you.

You, darling, I love you.
Ooh, I'll always, I'll always love you.

.

.

.

Troubled sigh....haisss...

2010-06-13T01:54:00.002+08:00

Whoa. What a week what a week.

Parents and sister overseas and all. Had the whole house to myself how to study man.

LOL im too lazy to describe what has happened.

VJ MJ match, Semi party, Badminton at tampines stadium, BNOP at my house and Sentosa today LOL.

Exciting funfilled week too bad its over.

Its time to full mugg already. 2 more weeks left to salvage my situation or its goodbye MJC for good. Not that its a really bad thing. I HATE MJC to the core. The school sucks so bad. Its just that i dont wanna leave any friends behind. Though we may not be like super close or even close, I will still miss all of the people i know. Be it those in choir be it those closer friends, or even those hi bye friends i will still miss all of you.

And on a seperate issue, I'm really glad its over.

2010-06-09T13:27:00.000+08:00

I think i posted this before sometime ago but i feel like posting this again. This song is just so good.

When I first laid eyes on you,

I thought this was my chance.

You flashed me a blinding smile,

Than you mesmerised me so.

You know when you reach for something but then its pulled away,

Or you know when you long for something but you cant have it today.

I've heard love finds every heart and I guess I must agree,

Cos the girl who stole my heart is in love but the lucky guy's not me.

You know the way we met,

It wont leave my mind.

Blowing bubbles in the afternoon,

Than we sat and talked all day.

You know when you reach for something but then its pulled away,

Or you know when you long for something but you cant have it today.

I heard love finds every heart and I guess I must agree

Cos the girl who stole my heart is in love but the lucky guy's not me.

Its like an arrow right through my heart,

Its like a shot into my soul.

Go and lead me on than break me apart,

You could'nt make me whole.

Now I guess theres someone else I bet you wanna see but its not me.

You know when you reach for something but then its pulled away,

Or you know when you long for something but you cant have it today.

I heard love finds every heart and i guess i must agree,

Cos the girl who stole my heart is in love but the lucky guy's not me.

Wonderful song..

2010-06-09T01:47:00.002+08:00

MJ choir vs VJ choir again and the score was tied 3-3. Lol it kinda followed the trend from first leg being 3-1 then second leg 3-2 and now 3-3 hahaha. I guess i deproved a lot a lot in soccer already. Didnt manage to start and made so many errors when i played.

You know sometimes when lifes being a bitch everything you attempt to do just get screwed. Like soccers like studies like.... EVERYTHING. Its like nothing has been going right for me since i dont know when. Its bull man. Even gaming. GAMING, can make me feel like shit. FUCK man i dont know whats wrong in my life.

But then, im still me. The crazy noisy whatever guy.

Maybe once in awhile you will see a different side of me but thats few and far between.

I always like to see life as a stage and that we are actors performing on stage. Cos we have to mask our true feelings most of the time. Everyday its like putting on an act for the benefit of the others. Who then can see our true feelings? Best of best friends which is as hard to come by as superman or final fantasy come to life. Then again have you considered those who dont have a BEST friend? Without someone to relate all their troubles to?

Its a cruel world out there. Welcome to reality.

Ouch the pain.

2010-06-07T03:00:00.001+08:00

I'm Gonna Make A Change,
For Once In My Life
It's Gonna Feel Real Good,
Gonna Make A Difference
Gonna Make It Right . . .

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer

Its really self explanatory. Im need to mug i need to study i need to the so well for midyears that Esther Lai can just bloody hell stop harping at me.

So heres to a changed me. GAN BEI!

2010-06-04T02:52:00.002+08:00

There was a time when men were kind
When their voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
And they turn your dream to shame

He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came

And still I dream he'll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.

Its not like im listening to the song for the first time but I dont know why but when you sang the song, i just started tearing up suddenly. The meaning of the song just suddenly brought up such a rush of feelings i've never felt before. Its like the unstoppering of a huge bottle filled up to the brim. The last line....how how how true. Its just so like life before and now. Thank you, FRIEND.

Im still losing. Or have i lost? I dont know. If only i knew what you are thinking.

2010-06-01T23:40:00.002+08:00

Ouch ouch ow aw urgh pugh umph. Its beginning to feel a lot like last year. Remember the time before this period. Then going through this period. And then coming out of this period. It feels sososo like last year. The exact feeling and emotions with different cast. I dread coming out of this time.

Or maybe i should do something to change it. Should I?

In an extremely foul mood now. All can just go fuck off into some hole of yours.

2010-05-30T23:03:00.002+08:00

Fighting a losing battle.

But i've long come to realise nothing is cast in iron. What may seem to be impossible now may not be in the future. What may seem certain now may change in the future.

Thats why i will keep on fighting this seemingly lost battle. In the hope that the tides will turn and this dream will come true. I've lost to you once thats true. But im gonna hang in there this time on and see the battle out all the way to the end.

Cos its you.

2010-05-27T00:04:00.002+08:00

Cant wait for the holidays. Tmrs the last day of school. No more getting fragged everyday in school. No more waking up so frigging early for school. No more notebooking. No more seeing the *&^%$ everyday in school.

FOR A WHOLE FRIGGING MONTH.

Band concert tmr and then freedom. If only the day would just zoom by fast and furious. GAHH CANT WAIT FOR THE HOLS.

2010-05-24T23:01:00.001+08:00

A picture speaks a thousand words. I hate myself.

2010-05-19T21:40:00.002+08:00

3 more days.

It will go by in a breeze. Half day tmr cos of soccer finals and a predicted Friday off day cos of the recent CCA wins. Really cant wait.

I was so surprised that you actually came. I never expected so much from you even though you're like the bestest friend i have. I have absolutely no idea how you even managed to plan a kinda party halfway across the world. You will and always will be my bestest friend.

3 more days~ WOOT!

2010-05-13T00:00:00.002+08:00

The weather is a perfect example of what im feeling right now. Its been flashing lightning and booming thunder awhile before the skies decided to pour for a little while.

Im kinda pissed with myself. Its like why didnt i work harder last year so that i can go up with all the J2s and like you know enjoy the last few moments in choir together before going off together. Now its like im left behind while all of you leave. Bloody fucking pisses me off. I know i said before i never once regretted retaining but now this is probably what i regret the most.

After getting all so pissed off i feel a little sad. Gone were the days of crazy fun in the choir room. Gone were the people whom i can relive all those inside jokes. Gone were the people who were there when we owned in SYF, Italy and all. Gone were the people who have more or less been a major part of my social life. Gone were those days.....

But even as i think of all of these i know that i will be alright in a few moments. I will go on stage tmr and enjoy myself sharing our final moments together. We will rock the house with all we've got.

YOUR SWANSONG, MY UNFINISHED JOURNEY.

The rainbow after the storm.

Punctured Tyre

2010-05-11T23:35:00.002+08:00

A punctured tyre. Pssssst....

I need a pump. Will you hand it to me?

2010-05-09T23:50:00.004+08:00

Its so so so tiring to laugh when i dont feel like, forcing out smiles and cracking jokes that i dont even think are funny. I dont know its like i just dont wanna be a wet blanket and kinda spoil everything but its just so so so tiring.

Im so tired...just so tired....

2010-05-06T23:00:00.002+08:00

For all you people out there who still dont know this, I got screwed by Esther Lai personally.

This means i will have to be a good boy.

-Less time on computer.

-No more sleeping in lectures and classes.

-No more slack tutorials.

-No more DotA =(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

Im dying...........

Ciao ppl.

FML.

2010-05-04T00:24:00.002+08:00

Its exactly at times like this when you think that life sucks so bad.

My rooms in a mess with notes everywhere. Random stuff like earpieces are all around and i can hardly walk in my room without hitting, kicking or smth. I havent packed my room in like ages like for over a month. WTH im like missing stuff and i dont know what im missing.

My homework pile is like so sky high. Its like cannot finish one. I think im gonna swear off the com soon just to complete work and stuff. Oh which reminds me of what Miss Fau said when i didnt do my work.

" Why didnt you do my work?"

" I was busy doing my other work."

"So you think GP is not important?"

"No but...."
"You dont even show any remorse for not doing your work"

SO WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? CRY IN FRONT OF YOU KOWTOW APOLOGISING FOR NOT DOING MY WORK? WHAT THE FUCK?

Im gonna selectively do work and trust me GP IS AT THE FUCKING BOTTOM OF THE LIST.

Bullmother shit.

A seemingly impossible to reach target.

IM GONNA EAT THE WORLD. OM NOM NOM NOM NOM.

2010-05-02T02:04:00.004+08:00

Party in the SHH. (Shu Han's House)

LOL random.

The lonewolf looks to the moon and howls into the night. Long has it scorned the company of its kind and yet the painfulness and the hollowness stabs it afresh with every breath it takes, every tread on the soft earth, every second of its pitiful existence. With a last howl filled with emotions it turned its back on the moon, eyes wet, disappearing into the night, not wanting to die yet dreading this painful living death.

Theres one line in the lyrics of Train's Hey Soul Sister thats epicly funny. HAHAHAHA!!

2010-04-30T01:05:00.001+08:00

Even the weekend doesnt seem appealing anymore.

I dread school.

Actually no.

I dread living.

2010-04-27T01:13:00.002+08:00

The Italy blues are back.

You know, I never thought I would ever feel so much for a place but Italy tops it all man. I mean how much feelings can a place trigger? Its the only place which makes me feel like crying when I think back about those times.

Well VJ choir is going there today and as im typing this they are happily on board the plane watching movies and stuff heading towards Venice. This brought back memories about our own trip down into Italy. One of the reason why I didnt want to go to the airport to send them off is that im afraid i cant control all the pent up emotions.

Maybe I'll quit school after the midyears exams if i cant take it no more.

2010-04-26T01:15:00.002+08:00

It was awesome hearing VS sing again at VCH. It was really entertaining and good. Thought i would prefer VJs performance to be lesser and less powerful without overshadowing VS choir being the performin choir. But oh well who am i to complain when im getting good music?

Remember those days where I was still wearing that nerdy looking vest and the retarded gay yellow tie. LOL i can remember sec 1 when the CCA allocation was released. I put NCC air and NCC Land as my first 2 choices and choir was my third. Not that i loved uniform groups but back then i didnt know no shit about uniform groups and they seemed cool with flying planes and guns. I remembered watching in dismay when i was allocated to choir and then my classmates then were calling me gay. I mean its like getting into VS was gay enough and i got into the gayest CCA (or so i thought) in VS its like Gay^2. WTF.

LOL im like laughing at myself. I never regretted a single moment in VS choir. All the Saturday pracs where we were slacking around sing finish go kick ball then after that go parkway eat. The times when we played cards in the room. Days where we didnt want to go home but just sit in the room and play. All the cool people then.

Robin, Syukri, Bing Xing, Poh, Pock Tong, Gan, Myo, Shane, Sherman, Yong Yang, Ting Zhou, Clement, Jon Teo. I cant remember everyone off hand but its around there.

That time we went to Hong Kong. Remember that Adelaide Choir?

And another time we went to Malacca.

And the other time we went to Pattaya. 8 eggs for breakfast.

Still got the time we went to Olomouc. Full marks cat champs.

All the little little chinese new year performances, VS 130th, Rhapsodies, guest choir etc.

ARGH I MISS THEM ALL.

THOSE WERE THE DAYS.

2010-04-23T01:17:00.001+08:00

Im going all out already because I want to own you flat. Not that I cant just that I havent only.

Watch out. Here I come.

2010-04-22T00:46:00.002+08:00

Life's been a bitch lately.

I havent yet found the motivation to study. Today marks the 5th day in a row i havent studied. Which means like i never do any tutorials, never read up before lecture, never studied for any tests for this week. Its like FUCK im damn tired can. And every night even though i sleep so early i still feel tired in school and theres fucked up things like PE that just screws up your day. I mean like HOW THE FUCK do you stay awake in lessons after exerting like a motherfucker during PE lessons. Fuck. Remember that time all of us do PE until like wanna faint liao and the teacher still scold us say we slack. FUCK PE screws up my life and so does the wellness shit. HEY DUDE. ITS MY HEALTH YOU DONT NEED TO GIVE A SHIT HOW FAT I AM OR HOW MUCH I EAT IM NOT LIKE GONNA DROP DEAD WITH A CLOGGED HEART VESSEL ANYTIME SOON. YOU ARE SCREWING MY LIFE.

And OMG choir. Something that was one so fun can be turned like upside down so easily. One minute its fun, next its not, then it is again. WTF. We have a weirdo I DONT REALLY LIKE BUT STILL CAN TAHAN. Then still got THIS MOTHERFUCKER. OH MAN. I SEE HIM I DU LAN. I HEAR HIM TALK I BUAY SONG. THEN I HEAR HIM SING I FEEL MORE FUCKED UP THEN EVER. GAWDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD. I THINK IM WEIRD.

LIFE IS SO FUCKED UP. WHOLE DAY KENNA OWNED BY TEACHERS.

I FEEL LIKE FUCKING SHIT NOW.

I HATE THE WORLD.

I WAN TO EAT THE WORLD.

2010-04-18T03:01:00.003+08:00

Today is a slack day. Nvr touched any work. Lepak max.

Oh anyway guitar ensemble concert was very nice. I really liked the performance a lot. The music choice they chosen for the musical were good and brought out the mood. Hahaha Nikki (I think thats his name, the guy who acted as Joshua) acting was really good. Laughed a lot through his funny actions.

Hahaha! And GOOD PLAYING CAMY!! YOU DID WELL :D

(I wrote this before i left for the airport)

Im feeling kinda sad now. I just went to airport to pick up some people.

When i passed by the Departure hall, I remembered how just a couple weeks ago, the whole MJ choir was there preparing to go for the Italy trip. A sea of blue and splotches of FF on the choir shirt.

Went to Ya Kun to eat while waiting for them to get out of the airplane. Remembered how after the plane touched down went there to eat.

After that went to the luggage collection area, belt 44. Remembered how we collected our luggages at the nearby belt 42. How i got Arlene to buy the booze for me cos i was still underaged. Remembered how we collected the luggage and lingered in the area wanting to deny the fact that the trip was already over, taking the last few pictures together. Remembered the sliding door where we walked out back into the hell of being a student in the Singapore education system.

Ouch. I HATE SCHOOL.

I Miss Italy :C

2010-04-16T00:50:00.002+08:00

I think its an Italian disease or something. Ever since I came back from Italy I've been sleeping in like almost every lesson. Thats not to say i never slept in lessons previously but its like every lesson no matter how interesting it is will make me nod. So whats more with boring lessons? I didnt even realise it until Kiat Hoh suddenly remarked today " How come you look so tired everyday ever since you came back from Italy." Hell. I dont know man.

I think I need a good long break. This weekend looks good :D

Oh yea and whats with all the girls cutting hair. Theres this J1 girl with really really really nice hair like OMG nice hair and then she went to cut it and now it looks like a bloody fox tail la. Its like so ugly now. Last time i remember if i sit behind her in lecture i always have the urge to pull her hair. Now its like so URGH.

Weekends are meant for relaxation. Yea i'll cling on to that thought. Ciao.

2010-04-14T01:02:00.002+08:00

Oh man im like so fucking pissed.

And i thought it was going to be over soon. Talk about a revival.

Gahhh fuck all of you.

2010-04-12T00:50:00.003+08:00

And ive been able to take another step forward.

I feel so blessed and safe and free.

I love You with all my heart.

2010-04-09T23:22:00.005+08:00

Its currently Friday 5.26 pm in Italy. Exactly one week ago we were on the plane flying back to Singapore. Exactly 8 days ago we were touring the Milan. Exactly nine days ago we were preparing for the grand finals. Exactly 9 days ago we just sang finish the mixed choir songs. Exactly 10 days ago the guys sang finish the male chorus songs. Exactly 11 days ago we arrived at the Ambassador Hotel and started practicing our songs. Exactly 12 days ago we were shopping in Venice. Exactly 13 days ago we were preparing for the trip.

Where have the days gone to?

I dunnoe. Initially i thought of doing like a super epic post with like pictures and stuff wisecracks flying, dashes of scandals, but now its like all in the past. A dream that felt so real as if it did happen but vanish at the peak of its climax. Weird aint it?

Anyway the trip was more or less a success. It was very fun. The shopping, the visiting, the sightseeing and stuff. Its like making new friends and rediscovering old ones, rooming with one another, waking up to see each other, having meals together as a choir, singing our hearts out, enjoying every bit of it there. Its just so exciting so thrilling.

The only regrettable part is the marks. We lost by 0.24 points in the mixed when we were expected to win the category. Its just so wasteful. And the fact that we are so much better then that choir makes it sting all the more.

Real man do cry, but not in front of others. If we dont, how can we be considered humans? 1 min is enough.

Maybe my expectations were too high? In school everyone thought we did well, even in the choir itself there were people who thought we did well. So we did kinda meet expectations in a way. Is it only me or are there others we like me think " This does not mean we did well, it just means the expectations of us were so low." People think lowly of us thats like the ultimate insult there ever is.

"It would never return, for that dream turned to dust, leaving behind sour emotions of unmet expectations. It is but a dream." - Cheryl

And now i have to make a decision. To stay or not to stay? No one will be able to sway me and no one should try to. This is a decision i have to make on my own.

Arrivederci Italy. Lei avrà sempre il mio cuore.

2010-04-04T05:51:00.002+08:00

An epic trip deserves and epic post so the little people who still read my blog will have to wait for it hahahaha!

LOL i think i update this blog for myself only. Its like an online diary so that maybe one day when im older and wiser, i'll look back and laugh at my childish self.

Ok im imagining myself 10 years into the future and reading this post. ROFLMAO!

2010-03-25T02:28:00.001+08:00

35, 36.

Two numbers that make me so happy when I see it :D

-Hey wanna 3536?

-Okie :D

2010-03-21T21:24:00.003+08:00

I dunnoe how these 4 days are gonna pass man. Im still in a holiday mood cos we're flying to Italy on friday. Homework half-done using choir as shield? :D

I cant think of anything else but to just play.

Imba.

2010-03-16T23:21:00.005+08:00

How did we ever come to this
I never thought you'd be
someone I'd have to miss
and there I was caught in your game
needing answers that never came
and we took a chance,
you said you were strong
strong enough
but you were wrong

and now I'm...

Deafened by your silence
blinded by the tears
if you're looking for forgiveness
you won't find that here
cause you lied your way to heartbreak
and now its all too clear
that you will never be....

Look at him
he won't ever compare
you can say you're sorry
but I still don't care
was he worth this mess
was he worth this pain
you can say it's his fault
but you're both to blame

...Now I'm ....

Looking back it was all so easy
I hope you know you're my last mistake
Don't come around and say you need me
I won't stay

Now I know that you were so deceiving
was it fun for you to walk away
I hope you liked it
cause he's so damn easy
you won't change

That you will never be...

That you will never be,,,

2010-03-16T02:32:00.002+08:00

Like seriously? Someone just kill me. Let this be the last thing i see before i die. LOL. I stared at the pic for like 2 hours before regaining my wits and manage to type out something coherent. Its like gahhhhhh! Bomb!

Going to choir with a bleeding nose tmr. Off to dream dream dream......

2010-03-12T01:40:00.003+08:00

When I first laid eyes on you,

I thought this was my chance.

You flashed me a blinding smile,

Than you mesmerised me so.

You know when you reach for something but then its pulled away,

Or you know when you long for something but you cant have it today.

I've heard love finds every heart and I guess I must agree,

Cos the girl who stole my heart is in love but the lucky guy's not me.

You know the way we met,

It wont leave my mind.

Blowing bubbles in the afternoon,

Than we sat and talked all day.

You know when you reach for something but then its pulled away,

Or you know when you long for something but you cant have it today.

I heard love finds every heart and I guess I must agree

Cos the girl who stole my heart is in love but the lucky guy's not me.

Its like an arrow right through my heart,

Its like a shot into my soul.

Go and lead me on than break me apart,

You could'nt make me whole.

Now I guess theres someone else I bet you wanna see but its not me.

You know when you reach for something but then its pulled away,

Or you know when you long for something but you cant have it today.

I heard love finds every heart and i guess i must agree,

Cos the girl who stole my heart is in love but the lucky guy's not me.

2010-03-11T00:49:00.003+08:00

When i think about it i just dont know what to describe it. Childish? Nope. Immature? Nah. I really have no word to describe it. Its like, think so much for wat?

People say a bit get so affected. People reason with you du lan for what? People dont even have that intention read so much into it for what?

Sometimes its easier to understand girls.

I feel so alone when i dont understand everyone around me. Where were the good old days?

2010-03-09T01:13:00.008+08:00

Oh yea! The choir camp photos are out :D and there are plenty awesome and funny pics out there.

I tell you, im a photography genius man. I thing the photog club must be damn sad that i didnt join them LOL!

Imba bird la sia. Work of art man even the pose of the bird and the background fits so well :D

Faces in between fingers :D

Using the camera some macro function or something or other which made the fingers blurred. (I did it without knowing it. See, genius right LAWLZ!)

My KEWL feet which i took to test out the camera LOL!

OH!! And the most ROFL pic of all me and AARON YURI COMPARING WHO FATTER LAWL!! DAMN OBVIOUS SIA!! AARON YURI TAY YOU SUPER SUPER FAT CAN LOL!

And my favourite pic of the whole camp :D LESS THEN 3 LIGHT STICKS TTM!

AND FINALLY PRESENTING THE CAMP COMM!! WE WORKED HARD TO PULL IT OFF AND WE MADE A HELLA CAMP!

P.S. Now when i think of it again, i kinda miss camp =(

2010-03-08T00:58:00.002+08:00

Choir camp's over and it was a blast! Though nothing went according to plan, really nothing did, due to the camp comm's initiative and responsiveness we got lots of things done. Camp was the bomb and it was really really sucessful. Members bonded and had a lot fun. It went very smoothly despite the unfavourable circumstances. Just a pity we didnt have the 2 full days.

I realised how to see how sucessful a camp is LOL. Log in to facebook and see all the juniors and seniors adding each other and posting all the camp related stuff like house cheers and inside jokes all over each others wall LOL.

And im so gonna buy a better camera and bring it for all these stuff. My current camera cant even win a phone. Jokes.

<3 Light Sticks TTM!

More things to post some other day. :D

2010-02-28T01:10:00.002+08:00

Im rather annoyed with Chrome. Its acting up lately and it cant load facebook. All the words ended up jumbled and the whole page just looks weird and messy. Have to use IE if i wanted to view facebook. Resulted in mousehunt, fish wrangler and ghost trappers taking a severe dip this past 2 days.

Anyway celebrated Grandpa's birthday at my house today. It was a birthday party cum house warming thingy.

I was in a rather bad mood this morning so i spent most of the day in my room in front of the com despite my cousins and everyone else trying to talk to me and getting me out of the room. I only left my room to eat the buffet dinner. It was reasonably good and i ate quite a lot. Thats probably one of my weaknesses LOL. A full Travis is always happy :D. After that spent most of the time in a more sociable manner. The wine helped too. Caught up with some people and even had a spot of roulette and black jack.

Oh and my cousin bought me a 98 wine. I havent drank such wine in quite awhile and it was wonderful. I still have one and a half bottles left :D

I dont like it when you do that. I dont like the way you twist words to fit yourself. I dont like how you get angry over little things. Pisses me off bad and ruins my day you know?

And one more thing. FUCK YOU JOEL GIAM.

2010-02-26T01:44:00.003+08:00

Today is my Self-Declared, Do-whatever-you-want-without-giving-a-FUCK-about-anyone-day. Which incidentally coincides with the International Skip School Day. ( I'm still LOLing over Muk's and Nicholas's convo the other day about this LAWL!)

So i did what i wanted the whole day without giving a shit what people thought of me.

First, i left school at 12.55 cos going for an elective which you have gone through before is fucking stupid. Went to Ehub and ate before going to play LAN. Something which i wanted to do in a really long time. Oh wait i just went LAN last saturday zzz.

Second, I ponned choir cos i didnt feel like going there and get pissed being under retards and also to do shit ass stuff which i didnt wanted to do. So there. Played LAN all the way til 6 plus before making my way home.

Third, I suddenly felt like flying kite so i jio some ppl out and we had an awesome time flying kites.

Life's a bitch man. I need more of these self-declared holidays.

Fuck choir.

Fuck school.

Fuck life.

You know what? I dont even feel like going Italy anymore.

2010-02-23T01:54:00.002+08:00

And again i've proven that i cant study with the computer on.

Hais. I must seriously kick the addiction of using the com while doing my work.

Another wasted day. Lets hope its the last :D

AND

Hallelujah! Praise you LORD! :D

2010-02-21T22:23:00.002+08:00

WOW i LOLed hard at this man AHAHAHA!! Those bitches at the sides cant dance for nuts and cant sing for nuts. Why do they even try. And the others look so funny at the "Lets dance" Ahaha!! Fantastic!

This kinda reminds me of the droids in clone wars haha!

2010-02-18T23:54:00.000+08:00

VADO IN ITALIA!!!!

2010-02-17T02:05:00.002+08:00

And the short break is over. The actual time table starts tmr.

Fuck im still not ready for school.

...

2010-02-16T12:17:00.002+08:00

I recieved this Valentine's Day chain msg and i just fell for it. Maybe im just stupid or its just the plain truth.

It just reminds me of this song by Rick Price.

"Maybe my love would come back someday, only heaven knows."

Maybe just maybe..

2010-02-12T23:52:00.001+08:00

Today was a fun and embarrassing to say the least.

Am so looking forward to the 4 day holiday.

Im.dead.beat.

Hope you liked the present :D

2010-02-10T21:52:00.002+08:00

Its that kinda feeling you know? Just that kinda feeling. I dont know how to put it.

You think you know? I doubt so. So far only one person knows LOL.

Enjoy it LOL!

2010-02-05T22:41:00.003+08:00

I think i have a thing with phones ever since like Sec 4.

I changed my k750i for a shitty ass phone. The walkman slide one. It was kinda popular that time. It lasted for about 2 months before it spoiled. Its like one day i suddenly just became super hot and the screen blacked out and the only light that came from the phone was the top right bottom.

Phone 1 down.

Ok so i changed from that phone to Iphone. And it had awesome fun with it before dropping it into the frigging toilet bowl. For those sick bastards out there, I WAS ONLY LISTENING TO MUSIC AND NOTHING ELSE. The thing went like bonkers and kept flashing here and there.

Phone 2 down.

Then i got the phone from my sis the G705 or something or other. It fucking failed me today when i was eating at west plaza. Suddenly every single button in the top row which is like the select, call, up, down, left, right button all cannot work its like really BOOM suddenly. Totally like WTF.

Phone 3 down all in the space of one and a half years.

Fuck Singtel should change the contract to like 6 months.

And the worst thing of all. My mum blamed me for all of it. Ok fine the Iphone is my fault but the other 2 just went bonkers on its own fucking bullshit. IM NVR GOING FOR SONY ERRICSON PHONE AGAIN. Zzz. Du lan la sia.

2010-02-01T00:04:00.002+08:00

Yay awesome day!! LOVE HAVING HUNDRED DOLLAR MEGA VOUCHERS!!!!

Tmrs orientation. Im gonna play if the OG is fun. If not? Oh well prolly hang around with my batch and turn into a full time mugger next year. 2 years same class nia. Dont need so good friends right? LOL!

Got an awesome new ring now YAY!! Happy!

2010-01-28T21:47:00.002+08:00

School was bullshit. I almost died waking up early in the morning.

And

We left school at like 10 and went to play LAN.

LAN on the first day of school. Thats epic awesome!

First day boring.........

55 MINS MORE TO SNSD FULL ALBUM ON THE SUCKY INTERNET CONNECTION!!

2010-01-27T21:58:00.002+08:00

And YESSSSS ITS HERE OMG!!!!! ITS HERE YAYAYAYAYAYA!!! ITS HERE!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!

My heart stopped when the vid suddenly paused at Jessica at 0:12 cos of the slow buffer. GG bomb.

And yea theres school tmr but so what? SNSD ALBUM OUT TMR!!! YAY!!

Oh wait.

ITS HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-01-26T16:58:00.001+08:00

I think i died 3 times today. Awestruck, mesmerised, impressed.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

2010-01-23T04:03:00.002+08:00

I waited the whole night to download this. I love love love ppl who dont block their internet like really. Awww.

Anyway

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS AAAAAAAAARRRRRR!!!!!!

Oh man this is damn good.

Jessica looks like the bomb man. Shes like so super hot!

And Sunny looks damn sexy.

And Tiffany looks like Yuri in long hair.

And and and.............................

GAHHHH! ITS JUST AWESOME!!

2010-01-21T10:07:00.001+08:00

My uncle is the bomb LOL. I told him i felt like eating durians and he came over to my house carrying 2 bags. One were styrofoam boxes full of durians and the other had 4 unopened ones.

WTF?!

LOL now how the hell am i gonna finish all of it man. And my house gonna stink for a few days...

Any of you wan some? LOL really i can give you :D

2010-01-20T11:39:00.002+08:00

Ok LOL so watched Daybreakers yesterday with Andy and JR. It was an ok movie, one of the better few recently but nowhere near my favourites LOL.

The storyline seems quite cool which prompted me to watch it. Its like a vampire bat bit someone and it mutates turning that person into a vampire. As the infection spreads yada yada cos vampires need to drink human blood. Now the majority of the population are vampires and humans are farmed and hunted like animals. So the story starts in 2019, 10 years after the start of the infection and the vampires are facing blood shortage. LOL not enough humans.

Oh the cool thing is that. Human blood have purity or something LOL. So a 1917 Bordeaux Chautille White Wine, is the same as a hundred percent pure human blood. Whatever.

Oh and when you watch this kinda shows with vampires u expect look noises and frightening scenes where the suspense builds and BAM! you jump out of ur seat kinda things right? This show i jumped 3 fucking times. And because of what? A random vampire bat that flys at the screen its like zzzz.. LOL.

After that went to eat seoul garden buffet with JR cos Andy pang seh us to go out with girl. Eat til stuffed before going home.

You know, sometimes the songs that touch your heart the most aint come from the A list singers but from the more lesser known singers. 心电心。

2010-01-19T10:37:00.001+08:00

Ive been having really really weird dreams of late.

But then if it happens in real life, LOL I'll be like the luckiest guy on Earth.

Oh well dreams are dreams, unattainable. Back to cold hard reality.

2010-01-18T21:20:00.002+08:00

I wore the MJC full school uniform for the first time ever since PW ended. It feels just so damn weird. Its like schools starting all over again. And the whole thing feels even more wrong when its the whole JC 1 year all over again.

Anyway some blah blah motivational talk or whatever. Its more like a waste of time. All the things they covered were already done in the past cos i have been like failing throughout my life so nothings new. All the memory association and mindmapping rubbish. Do they honestly think that they were the first person to thought of giving these courses? Or that they are beneficial? Hell if they were beneficial will i be listening to it a second time? Idiots.

And they are assigning some Counsellor to each of us. Like that helps. WHO EVER GOES TO A FRIGGING TEACHER AND TELL THEM " Oh i feel so emo i wanna die" Lame. So whats the counsellor for? FOR SHOW.

Lalalalala......

So had a more fun chilling out with the 09S202 retainees. Went for linnerfast and movie. Watched the Jackie Chan spy show or something. Just the normal Jackie Chan kinda show like fight fight, get involved with people, protect those people, save the world those kinda things. Those kinda movies where you can just relax and forget bout the outside world for a little while.

Gonna watch daybreakers tmr. Looking forward to this show. Feels like its gonna be a good one.

I feel bored. I wan SNSD new album like NOW.

2010-01-16T22:37:00.002+08:00

Someone doubted my eating capacity and ability. Thats total bullshit LOL!

All i said was

"Hey lets order one more dish."

Insta reply

"You sure can finish not?"

Oh my geeeee~ Over. In the end instead of ordering 5 dishes as i intended i ordered 8. Beat that sucker :D And i didnt pay for it LOL!

You know i feel so empty this coupla days. Its not the lack of company or what not. Theres just a hollowness an emptiness like WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING NOW? Just slacking around. Or just studying a little here and there. Its like not fulfilling. No drive, nothing to look forward to at all. Just a never ending void stretching out further and further.

Hais. Feeling sleeeeeepyyyyy, maybe that contributes to me rambling. BYES~

2010-01-16T00:09:00.003+08:00

:D Booze max LOL!

Choir prac today was a total waste of time. Wasted so much time on useless stuff zzz. Oh well. And theres prac again tmr. Like WTF. I thought we were supposed to have lesser prac or something or other since the guys have been choinging through the whole december hols and such.

Ah wateva.

GAGA OOO LALA!! ARA RAMAMA!!!

Just came back from chicken rice plus mango absolute with WM and the choir dudes :D Awesome! Love the bitter sweet taste ahhh...

2 rings for 2 special ppl :D

2010-01-14T21:03:00.005+08:00

Open house was a blast. But gawd was it tiring man. Slept like a stone today that i didnt even went out LOL.

Thousands of vids and photos all over facebook. Check it out. And we now have our professional photographer and videographer LOL. Everyone say hello to Myo haha!

2, 4, 8? Nah i'll go for 10 :D

P.S. And i've just realise how really noob you are. Grow up.

2010-01-11T14:01:00.002+08:00

How can you like a person so much after just seeing her for half an hour? Thats kinda fucked up. Love at first sight? LOL!

More about that next time. Gtg :D

2010-01-10T23:41:00.003+08:00

OMFG YES!! SOME FUCKER DOESNT PROTECT HIS FUCKING INTERNET!! OMG YEA!! AWESOME SHIZZZZZZZZZZ!!!

So many things happened but lets look forward shall we?

Epic sobranets chalet. All the shit is up on facebook. Epic singing, drumming, BA WANG craziness and a ton of other random pics and stuff. All thanks to Myo the silent vid pic taker. Its like wtf he takes all these without any of us knowing it. Talk about candid LAWL!

Anyway ate the most awesome mudpie in my life today LAWL!

Went out for dinner with Han and Nigel at Mad Jack (its the new cafe at whitesands second floor which took the place of the HK restaurant) The food and service was like a downgraded Swensons.

THEN WENT TO THE COFFEE PLACE AND ATE THE BOMB!!

I mean when you say mudpie u think of like around a slice of cake or perhaps slightly bigger. THIS WAS TWICE THE LENGTH AND TWICE THE HEIGHT OF THE CAKE. Shoulda recorded Nigel's and my expression when the cake came. It was like O.o AWESOME! Ate and ate and ate but i didnt disappear LOL. A first for me man. Wa... BAD ASS MUDPIE :D

Boring life for now since all the guys start school tmr hais......

Life's been a blast how long will it last?

BOOMZ!

2010-01-03T22:33:00.004+08:00

I made time to come online to blog bout like caroling, christams and new year but then more pressing matters come up.

1 thing is certain. Define the word FAIL.

FAIL = TOP 2

Now i have a whole shit load of fucking words in my head swimming about flying about weeeee!

Ok if you guys have been wondering about all the mega bullshitting stuff flying all over the facebook pages its about the fucking choir comm.

Ok so we have 3 groups in this EPIC SAGA

1 - Flamethrowers

Probably one of the groups that i hate the most. These are the people who dont lead and instead take sides. The most fucked up thing? They take sides according to the person who leads. Which means that they go " Oh you my friend!! The guy opposing you is my NOT SO GOOD friend. Ok i support you!! DEATH TO ALL OTHERS!!" Hello? Where are your brains? Friendship over logic. CLEVER! SO CLEVER!!

2 - Failures

Ok la these people are not THAT bad. Just that i cant understand their logic and their arguments are quite fail. It gets irritating after awhile when they keep repeating their mistakes while saying they will change but they never will. One screwed up thing? They create flamethrowers which on other occasions would be rather nice people that i wanna play with. Oh need another? They are the key of all troubles. Yea that sounds about right. What was that quote again? Oh ya "root of all evil"

3 - People who point out mistakes and gets flamed a.k.a TBG (The Bad Guys)

So these people who go like " Hey how come you say liao you nvr do de? Hmm i think theres some problem in your ideas." Then after that the failures go like "Eh why sia nvr la! Where got?!" But when the truth comes to light? Flamethrowers come to their rescues and the say " Oh TBG TBG!!! GET THE FLAMETHROWER! FLAMMMMMMEEEEE MAX~~~~~~~"

Ok as for where i stand? Find out for urself.

Im sick and tired of this bullshit. Ever wonder why i nvr wanted a post? Exact reason is this. I feel like throwing my hands up and saying FUCK ALL OF YOU MOTHER FUCKERS I HAVE ENOUGH OF ALL THIS FUCKING BULLSHIT. LET ME OUT OF HERE. I FUCKING QUIT. GET THIS BITCHES QUIT. THEN YOU GUYS CAN LIVE IN YOUR DELUSIONAL WORLD AND DECEIVE THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD. FUCKING BITCHES!

So wats going to happen? I dont know i only know one thing. Its gotta get ugly before its settled.

Bye bitchessss!

2009-12-30T03:34:00.002+08:00

Ok havent been updating my blog for ages. But its like epic late now and theres choir tmr so i'll do a a real full post some time later k? LOL!

For now...

而我已经分不清，你是友情还是错过的爱情

2009-12-18T02:45:00.004+08:00

Split Personality.

LOL i think im becoming a fag after watching Twilight. Its the first movie not New Moon and we watched it in the choir room. Means like we free load the space the equipment and the aircon :D We brought stuff to eat and just camped there watched the movie.

The movie seriously is LAWL KAKE. I dont know why girls are going teary and stuff over it but its damn funny. Edward Cullen SPARKLES. YA LIKE "BLING BLING" in the sunlight. He looks like hes diamond encrusted or smth. And who the hell plays BASEBALL in a thunderstorm so they can MUFFLE the sound of the bat hitting the ball. Seriously GG.

I wanna be a vampire. Its like damn cool la. I can sparkle. Everyday is like walking buffet. I have like 300 hundred years to learn how to play the piano and dance. Seriously going to be damn epic man.

The most ROFL part.

Nigel: Wa its like holding KFC chicken in ur arms.

Me: Ya and u only can kiss it and not eat. Damn sad.

EPIC WIN.

Split personality.

OK I FUCKING CANT GO TO KOREA. COS MY FUCKING PARENTS DONT ALLOW ME TO GO AFTER BUYING THE PLANE TICKETS, CONCERT TICKETS HOTEL RESERVATIONS AND STUFF. EVERYTHING JUST POOF WHEN THEY SAY SO. SERIOUSLY SCREW THEM LA. WATS THEIR PROBLEM. NOW I DONT FUCKING GET TO PLAY IN THE SNOW. AND I DONT FUCKING GET TO SEE SNSD LIVE. FUCK THIS BULLSHIT MAN. FUCK.

I cant think straight after ranting now. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. FUCK.